


Not A Fairytale

by Jamless_Tae_With_Suga_and_Kookies



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders, M/M, Suicide, it has a sad ending, like rlly heavy angst i wrote this around a year ago when i was rlly emotional
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 14:27:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17123081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jamless_Tae_With_Suga_and_Kookies/pseuds/Jamless_Tae_With_Suga_and_Kookies
Summary: Yuri had always been a soldier, but not every soldier survives the war that is life





	Not A Fairytale

Yuri's life wasn't an easy one, but he had always been a fighter, too stubborn to give up on living. 

His life started with silence, no scream emitting from his small, weak lungs. He was born way too early, due to his mothers drinking stunts during pregnancy and the doctors predicted he wouldn't make it. But Yuri did. 

He grew up without father and with a mother who was more of a ghost in his grandfather's small house than a real person. The only things indicating she was actually alive, were the empty alcohol bottles piling up and the drunken insults occasionally thrown at Yuri. i’m 

When the boy finally entered elementary school, filled with hopes and expectations, he was tormented by other kids. He was too small, too lanky, too feminine. They laughed at him, made fun of his family, excluded him from their games and made him feel like the most worthless person alive.  
It was during this time that he discovered skating. 

Skating was easy. All he had to do was get on the skates, enter the ice and put one foot in front of the other, gliding over the frozen water, again and again. If he fell, all he had to do was stand up and begin anew. When he was skating, it was only him, the ice, and his thoughts. It was as easy as breathing, and felt like starting over. 

He was seven when he looked at his grandfather with determined green eyes, exclaiming he would start skating professionally and become the best skater in the whole world, better than anyone before him had ever been. Nikolai simply smiled and called one of his dear friends in the evening. It was the day Yuri found a coach who wanted to make his dream reality. 

-

When Yuri moved to St. Petersburg, his determination rose. It was his chance to start over, just the way he had always wanted to. This time he'd make sure to get friends, this time everything would turn out great for him. It didn't. 

Young, innocent Yuri hadn't taken the cruelty kids could have into account when he introduced himself and told his new class he liked skating and danced ballet in his free time. That day, Yuri found himself laying on the dirty ground with tears in his round, green eyes because he refused to give a stranger his lunch. On the same day, Yuri landed his first punch on a guy almost two years older than him. 

During this time, he met the other side of his beloved ice. He learned of bleeding feet after hours and hours of training, learned of ballet practice until late in the evening, and learned that everyone was competition, and no one was a friend. 

-

The first weeks after he left his grandfather (and mother) behind to pursue his dream, he cried himself to sleep and let self pity drown him. After four weeks he decided all the useless tears wouldn't get him anywhere, and his grandfather didn't work hard for him to get lost in fears and mistakes. It was time for Yuri to start fighting for what we wanted. 

And so he did. 

The following years, Yuri learned treating everyone with caution was a great way to ensure his mental and physical safety. He also learned how to properly punch someone and how to get others to respect him and keep their distance. His life during these years was as safe as it was lonely. 

But no matter how horrible his life off-ice was, as soon as he entered the rink his soul was free. There were things discouraging him, jumps he failed again and again, the bleeding feet and the ballet practices with smug older skaters. However, it didn't matter anymore. Yuri had learned how to accept failure and how to turn it into something greater, something stronger. He became the best skater in the junior division, knowing he had made his grandfather proud. But he wasn't finished yet. 

-

When Yuri was 12, he realized he didn't like girls and never would. He let the loneliness overpower him, and desperately searched for a friend. When he finally found one, he was ecstatic, so happy to finally have someone to talk to. The skater didn't recognize the trap before it was too late and about 10 boys had formed a circle around him, shoving him around, hitting him, insulting him. 

That night, Yakov spent hours trying to tend to his wounds. It weren't the ones on his body the coach was concerned about, they were minor and would heal fast. No, it was the boys' (because that's what Yuri was, a frightened boy, alone and far away from home) scarred mind the man worried about a lot more. It was the first time Yuri had cried in years, and the first time someone saw how broken he was inside. Yakov swore that he'd never have to feel like this again. 

The boys who had done this to him were punished severely, but Yuri didn't know about it, nor did he want to. He changed schools and never looked back, never remembered what happened. He had broken the most important rule he set for himself and all he got out of it was pain and the return of loneliness. 

He started becoming the cursing, rude brat everyone knew to cover up the vulnerable, scared kid inside. No, Yuri had experienced what happens when you let others too close to yourself. Nobody was allowed to take advantage of his feelings to hurt him, nobody but himself. 

-

When he was 14 he promised himself to show the skating world to not underestimate him. He might've 'only' been a kid, but he wasn't stupid. Yuri knew what people called him behind his back. 'A cheap Viktor copy' was one of the most popular ones. 'A nobody' and 'Someone who will be forgotten' were other favorites. 

He was aware that they laughed about him, that they commented cruel things about him in the safety of the internet. He felt their cold, judging glares with every step he took. But he was more than that. He would exceed everyone's expectations with his senior debut, rise above everything his haters and fans alike had ever seen of him, and become a new person. He was Yuri Plisetsky, and nobody would ever be able to take him down. 

-

At the age of 15, Yuri won gold in the GPF final, and beat out Viktor Nikiforov's long held record for highest score in a short program. During the same year, he found something far more precious than the gold he'd wanted since he was a little kid: true friendship. 

Otabek had 'known' him for years, had wanted to befriend HIM, the real yuri since they were kids. Otabek saw right through every facade he ever put up, and he didn't care about how ruined and mean he was. All he wanted to do was truly getting to know him and maybe, just maybe, fix the mess others had left behind.

On the evening off his Grand Prix win, Yuri sat next to his new friend and stared at the headlines of various skating articles.   
'Viktor Nikiforov and Katsuki Yuuri confirm their engagement!'  
'Viktor Nikiforov to work as both competitior and coach in the next season!'  
'Katsuki Yuuri takes silver and breaks world record for highest score in a Free Program!' 

Without noticing, his green eyes started tearing up in a mix of anger and sadness. Yuri hadn't cried in years, and he wasn't planning to embarrass himself in front of his new friend immediately after meeting him. However, by the time he reached up to wipe away the salty drops, Otabek already noticed something was off. "Yuri? You okay?" He gave him no chance to reply and snatched Yuri's phone out of his shaking hands. After a few seconds, he handed it back to the Russian skater, slowly realizing what the tears were about. 

"I've... I've worked so hard." His voice was shaking and barely audible, yet Otabek understood him without any problem. "I've worked my ass off... my grandfather had to take double shifts to pay for everything... I've broken two records on one day and they... they write about their fucking engagement?!" Yuri's voice had stayed silent, but by the end of his sentence the venom was dripping from his voice and basically pooling around their feet. 

Otabek stayed silent. "I moved away from my home at the age of seven. I was lonely, cried myself to sleep at night. My feet bled on a daily basis, I was bullied at school... all of it... was to read about them?!" All the Kazakhstan did was stare at Yuri and just listen. 

A bitter chuckle came from the 15 year old. "Guess I should've seen this coming. I wasn't fucking important to begin with. Why would I be, as long as there's the glorious Viktor?" He spit the name out as If it was poisonous. "It has always been Viktor this, Viktor that. Everyone LOVES him. I'm just a replacement for this one year. Next year, they'll forget about me, forget about what I did. They won't remember my name, nobody will. If they do, I'll just be the boy who trained with Viktor." 

Otabek shook his head in silent disagreement and stared into his friends green eyes with a frown on his face. His voice was serious when he started to talk. "Yuri, stop putting yourself down. You're right, these reporters are assholes. What they're doing is unprofessional. But just because they are doing whatever the fuck they're doing," he started waving around his hands in an attempt to show what he couldn't put in words, "it doesn't mean you'll be forgotten or are worthless. Yuri, you're so incredibly talented. You've achieved so much, you came so far, all on your own. I've admired you since both of us were kids, and I know the next generation will be skaters inspired by what YOU did tonight! You wrote history! Don't just... make yourself look unimportant like that."

Yuri stayed silent for a few seconds before he nodded. "Okay." Otabek pretended not to hear the sniffling. "Thanks Beka. I'll- I'm a little tired so I'll leave and go to sleep now. See you tomorrow." And with that, he left. 

In the night of his first Grand Prix gold medal, Yuri laid awake, crying into his pillow for a few very different reasons. Disappointment, Sadness, Happiness, Relief, Anger and the Longing to go back to his hometown and see his grandfather again. 

-

With 16, Yuri won bronze in the GPF and had to stare at both Viktor and Yuuri ranking above him. The cheers when the both of them got their medals were almost trice as loud as when they cheered for him. Flowers were thrown on the ice, and Yuri bitterly noted in his head that there were remarkably less flowers when he had won his first gold. 

Only two months later, his grandfather and mother passed away in a car accident. Everything around Yuri collapsed, and the only person he could hold onto was Otabek. He stood with him during the funeral, and watched Yuri fall apart in front of his eyes. He didn't speak, like usual, but his presence and the way he held him when his body shook was enough to make him feel self. 

He threw his whole self into practice, the only thing to keep his mind of how horribly wrong everything had gone in the span of a year. He chased the dream he had at 7, the dream of becoming better than anyone else and making people proud of him while simultaneously dealing with constantly being compared to Viktor and standing in his shadow. 

At the age of 16, Yuri started falling into self hatred and starving himself to become perfect. 

-

One year later, he started crying himself to sleep again and got haunted by horrible nightmares. He decided cutting off contact with his best (and only) friend would be better for both of them, and continued to cruelly train his body the way he thought would make people love him and his skating. 

At only 17, he was afraid of going to the rink and having to face Yuuri and Viktor, who had, admittedly, been in his nightmares more than four times. He was alone again, and the only thing to hold onto after he pushed Otabek away, was the skating. Yuri had been lonely before, but he couldn't remember it being this depressing and dark. "People are right," he thought, "you really don't know what you had until you lost it."

His way too thin torso shook with panic attacks before every competition he had to compete against Yuuri and Viktor and it showed in his skating. It seemed like with every passing day, his bones stood out more and more, the darks circles under his eyes grew and the refusal to eat continued. All attempts of talking to him were fruitless. Yuri continued to chase the perfect version of himself, not knowing he had owned and lost it long ago. 

During that year's GPF, his [body] finally seemed to pay him back for all the things Yuri had done to it by making him collapse on the ice during his free skate. The Russian was brought to the hospital instantly and ranked last place. He still refused to talk or even see Otabek.

-

When he was 18, Yuri finally admitted to himself that he had serious problems and he'd have to deal with them. He had fought against help long enough and he was tired. Yuri let Yakov search a therapist to deal with his depressions and eating disorder. He finally read the hundreds and hundreds of messages Otabek had left him during the last year, and replied with tears streaming down his face and sobs shaking his body. 

I'm so sorry, Beka. I'm searching help to... deal with everything I've done wrong and to heal myself. When I'm fully recovered, I'd like to talk to you, maybe. If you want to. I'm sorry again. Thank you for believing in me when I didn't.  
[delivered: 3:55pm]

Yeah, I'd like that. Take care of yourself until then.   
[delivered: 4:29pm]  
And Yuri? I still believe in you and trust you. You're a soldier and you're stronger than you think you are.  
[delivered: 4:35pm]

-

When Yuri was almost 19, he officially retired from skating. 

He made up with Otabek. He told Yuuri and Viktor how horrible they made him feel- not to make them feel guilty, but to let them know, to be able to finally let go of it. He moved into the now empty house of his grandfather and visited his families grave. He wrote his last letter with a smile on his face and only a few tears dropping down his face. Then, he laid down on his childhood bed and took the sleeping pills he prepared. 

At almost 19 years old, Yuri gave up his fight and admitted defeat. What he left behind was an unfulfilled dream, sorrow and the knowledge that even the strongest soldiers will eventually lose a fight.

Because not every story is a fairytale, and not everyone has a happy end.


End file.
